Revolution

It's 2013 and I'm still here. Allow me to reintroduce myself. OK  so...some shit happened. I got a job, I lost a job. I fell in love twice, cried a lot. Got depressed, stayed there for a long time. Liked it decided to stay in this place, because it's better to fell something then nothing. :) I still hate everyone, which is awesome, you should try it. New York understands me. Still can't think in crowded situations. Normal is still overrated  Alcohol is not good for me. But not in that conventional way like it's bad and it can destroy lives, more like I feel more present when I am drunk. I feel more alive, I just get in a thinking kinda stand, and I over analyse everything. And it's fucking depressing and tiring, and it's just hard. My brain hurts... Unless I get really drunk, and don't remember anything the next day. But I won't stop drinking, because that is what cool kids do.
I have feel in love with a band call The National. They are temporarily solving all of my problems. I can't thank them enough for that. I also realized what I want from/in my life. The basic is my initial reaction needs to be my only reaction. Over thinking has to become a product. I also learned that my country is in total shit. Ones who said that will serve us only served them self's and robed us of our dignity and pride. And we have become even more non trusting and scared. And I am just going to mention how the world is fucked up by this capitalism. Nothing more. I also learned that revolution is coming. I surly hope so. Shit needs to change. I lost a couple of pounds, if you want to know. What else? Pfffff... everything else is still the same you haven't been missing anything. But I have missed you. Now the missing part is over. Let's do this...


Mike Wood

The Last One

I've got my feedback. Finally. Just like I wanted it. Or better, need it. It's time to move on. And I have an idea how. So no more of me complaining about my only two problems, with various metaphors. No more pain, sadness and self pity. No more of my writing  about me. It's time I write about others. I am not a protagonist, my characters are. My story should not be told. It is simple, why. I am boring. My protagonists in my head are not. They are worth telling, they are worth the words. No more publishing my work. This stops now. And starts a new era. When my work is intended for me and me only. It has been a fun ride. Finding something that I love. But it's over. It was time to let get out now, when it's still time to not ruin everything. This is my last one. Just like Larry King a few days ago, I am too over with this period in my time. I Larry's King Words:'' Instead of saying good by, how about so long.''



Last time Mike Wood.

About A Song That Makes Me Feel Funny

I have a song. A song that is making me dance. A song that gives me motivation to write. So you would think it's a fabulous situation for me. But a again, it is not, aren't you bored already. I know I am. So problems start the first time a hear that song. A full house, switching a channel to channel, to see wants on TV. And I click a 79. MTV Hits comes on. And there is this guy, who is, basically what is wrong whit our music these days. Not using instruments, making sounds like they are coming from a bathroom, using his looks to get into the music world. And he dances. Only one thing that is actually good. The guy can't dance, let's give him that. But everyone can be Michael these days. Still it is convincing enough to actually see the damn video, after his showing off of his dance moves. To get back to the story, he was having an interview, talking about his album, and in the back they were showing his video, with out the music. So I said why the hell not. Lets see what they, so called MTV, has produced and give wings to another ''meaning of music''. Try to read it as sarcastically as possible. So a sad down an give MTV ''my precious minutes''.Try to read it as sarcastically as possible too. And a listen to it and watched it. My initial reaction was here we go again. And basically that what it was. Another dud sing and dancing about something, and a fast car was involved and stuff. But the song makes me dance and kinda makes me want to write. So I am kinda embarrassed about it. Yeah...So this was a fun experience reading it, Right? Hehe. Read this with a smile. I have no idea, what the hell I am doing with my life. I mean common, I am here writing about, songs that makes me feel funny. And some people have real problems. Do you know what is the biggest thing that can happen in my day to day activities? I can loose in a video game playing NBA basketball. Ain't that a bitch. And when I do I am really pissed. So...there is no point too this story...so I should really stop writing about now. I'll stop now. Bye! :)


M. Wood

Make You Feel My Love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fnn9JlqqTE4&feature=recentlik

Ze Frank

http://www.ted.com/talks/ze_frank_s_nerdcore_comedy.html

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/ze_frank_s_web_playroom.html

Im About To Whip Somebody's Ass

When days are going from bad to worse. Sing this in your head to calm your self down. And just take it slow.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YM5cSlfGnSU

T-Shirts Sayings

Love Is Noise.

T-Shirts Sayings

You don't have to be crazy to live here, but it helps.

T-Shirts Sayings

There Is No Room For Demons, If You Are Self Possessed.

An Investment, That Is More Then A Piece A Paper

I get on myself every day. What I mean by that is, I am hard on my self. My injury has digress my progression. In this one is actually physically, not mentally. My job search has started good but quickly ended. You would think that in my profession it's easy to get a job. And your wrong, it's not. Every body is searching for some one young, with little experience, a fast learner. Those are the basics. So you would think that I apply perfectly in to that description. But I don't. Let me explain. My age is the biggest factor. They say they are looking for someone young, yes but that someone young is an age 27 an up. When you are at that age you look more responsible and you gave an impression that you can become a part of a team in month. And you still look like a good investment in the future. With my age, witch is 22, I am a liability. That age says, I want to work, I want to make something out of my self. But it also says, that I am too much of an investment, too much work with me to become a good member of a team. To much mentoring. Do you know what I mean? They want some one young, but a guy that can do it by theme self fast, with not a lot of help by others. And that is hard to achieve if you are 22. You need help. And my number doesn't help there. So I began to think about that a lot. And my response to my ''lady that should help me to find a job'' is if I still don't get a job until February. Why should I say yes to some one who constantly says no? I don't want to live like this for the rest of my life, but why should't I look for an alternative direction.Why should I force my self to that, no, that constantly appears. It is there mistake if they can't see the potential or at least the wish to do it the normal way. It is there loss if they can't see how good an investment I am. I do agree on one think. I do need mentoring and do need extra help. But once that the comfortability zone comes, once I feel confidante, I can shine. Big time. So should I gave up, and try to look for alternative answers? How do I say out loud, that I want to stop saying yes to there no, and star saying no, and try my own way. Or not even my own way, but to try something that is not written on my paper of who I am. I am a chef. But I get the idea it's not in it for me. And everyone only sees what is written on my paper. I am much more then my age and my occupation. I am much more.



Mike Wood

T-Shirts Sayings

 Being A Man Is Living In A Constant Fear Of Disappointing A Woman.

She Brings Me The Music

Just a little bit of good music that can help. It helps me. Specially check out Richard Ashcroft and RPA & The United Nations Of Sound. It's amazing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NlRtGTC57rI&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_bNJ9ZDa10

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqodCNWqS8c

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8tuTSi6Sck

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlnpedLeGbo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hxfo61V-U1I

Forever Young...

My work will always be best when I do it my self. Individually. No other opinions, just if I want them. And I rarely want them and rarely there are people who deserve it. My work will always be affected with this time of my life. Just because I have found, when I am at my best. It doesn't matter what is that I do, it matters how I do it. Forever I will live in this lost time. When I am old this the time that I will remember. My moments. Alone moments. Alone in writing, alone in watching, alone in sleeping. Forever I will stay this young. Forever young in rain city, rolling dices, with orange sky, wishing that I would be in california. I land where my thoughts are manageable to read, while I am reading. Process that it might happen has been betrayed. My dice number is always different, never the same. So I can't find the stars coordinate. I am lost in space. As far as I know space is to big to be left alone. I will parish if moving on is not an option. But where do I start? At the beginning, at the end? I am living without the middle. I saw a start of all this, and I know the end of it too. It's all black, with stars shining in the distance. Looking something to grab on. My air supplies are limited, end they are almost empty. Need to go back, and find home so that my work could be heard and read, so I can get a refill. So long on the road, you forget how things work. Was I forgotten, have I gone to far? My mission is clear. Search and find. When I find, what ever is that I am looking for, I come back. Could my search gone to far in space and no one is out there looking for me anymore? The coordinates are in my hand to set my course back home. I need to face them, just because I need the refill. When I am done, I am going back. I want to find what ever is that I am searching. Even if that makes me forever young and alone.



Miha

Who Am I?

From beginning to an end, I will always feel the way I feel. I am bitter, depressed and lonely. If I have some one besides me or not. My life depends on this feeling, word, mood, and ability from others to not understand it. Ladies and gentleman, I am lonely. It has come to this, that the first person who comes to my life will feel the love, that can't be measured. She will never felt stronger love and appreciation towards here. That is me. I am love. And nobody can see it, or understand it. Being alone and having very emotional life, gives you perspective on things. And that life it self loses meaning and gives you the ability to live. I know hard to understand. But that is me, not understandable. Melancholy Hill does exists, but only in a place, that no one wants to be visit. Not by choice or hate, no, but of interest. They are lacking it. Is there enough sympathy in the world, to have some one besides me? Who am I? I am sympathy. That bit that could make a difference. Not to make the world a better palace, but to make just one world a better place. I hope that soon I can do life on my own. Alone in a room with my rules. Not being surrounded by people who are not emotionally on my level. And with people who are not attentionality destroying my talents. Whenever you think I have it or not. It's 0.47 o'clock. It is Saturday. And I am asking my self a question. Who am I? I am...



Mike

On Melancholy Hill

I live on melancholy hill. And up here, there is an atmosphere of trying your best. It really is. Slowly trying your best. The desire is here but you can't see it by just watching from a distance. You have too live here to understand it. Daily activities are done in a order that you made it your self. The way you like it. Not rushing your self. Jut the right amount of it, so ''they'' still see you living. On this beautiful hill we don't ask stupid and unnecessary questions. Just an example: How are you, What are you doing in your life now, any big things happening in your life... (You get the idea) No we ask our self. Do you fell comfortable?

Like I said the desire is here, but you can't see it through our sad faces, pale hearted and showing boring emotions towards you. It's not like we don't care what is going on below our hill, but we are too occupied with our comfortability level. We are sleep deprived, we have back issues, we constantly watch for our physical apparency, because people are watching everywhere, and we like to look good. No matter the frustrations in our head. If you haven't find the key word. It's melancholy. Yes there is a hill, and it's beautiful. All the great parks, the ponds, ducks playing in those ponds, beautiful forests... oh it's great. Surprisingly there is always autumn on this hill. I wonder why? The sorrow, cloudy atmosphere, unstable mental and physicality surroundings  that is Melancholy Hill. Like the words written before you. That is like the staying on that hill. Disturbed. A lot of rest involved. Definitely a great muse if you are interested in the art form of writing, panting, sculpturing, and anything else you can remember. But don't tell a lot of people about it, there is not enough room for every body. So for now I only got one question for you.

Are you comfortable?

Mike Wood from Melancholy Hill.

The Psychiatrist: First Talk; I See Darkness.

''What is worse then a totality agony of being in love? Probably not being in love. In this times when every one is gasping to hold on to something good in a so tough environment, I try not to think and imagine the things I love and could love. It takes too much time to recover after those emotions. I am afraid to get in bed at night. All the silence and peace that is brought by that time of day is too much to handle. I start to worry about every thing. And I literary mean every thing. How can a world be so corrupted, taking what is not rightfully yours. No respect for nothing. The damn global warming. I some time wonder if there is any reason to make an effort to live. One day it's all going to be over. Even if you do something, you will be forgotten. And it won't matter. We are fucked, and the ice has already started to melt. I thought about killing my self, but the idea of not existing gives me more trouble then death. About every thing. I mean and I am not even some non sociable geek or any thing. I have friends I go out I meet people, I am active in my community. I am something. I have hobbies that complete me. A steady job. But I am worried about the lawn in front of my house, the trees at the back of my house. I need to make shore the are healthy so they can provide fresh air, I am worried about polluted air, that is going through my lungs. When I see other people buying stuff all I see is how much paper or plastic bags are they taking. I mean what the hell is wrong with a person when he uses one small bag for two apples, another bag for three tomatoes, and a another bag for a zucchini. They CAN ALL GO INTO ONE BAG. Fuck. With little things people are destroying the world, In my book the world is all ready destroyed.''
I stopped for a second, to have a glass of water. Water's good for you. I am sitting in a room, where every thing is perfectly designee to make you feel comfortable as you possibly can be, in this room. I am in a room where people with problems are trying to solve theme. I am not a naive person and I don't run to seek help if something is going wrong. I like to solve it my self. Ha, maybe I should told that to my doctor. For what is worth I don't even know If I'll be back next week. I probably won't. He quietly sits in his chair, making some notes. But still observing me. He doesn't say anything. He waits for me to start. And I do I want to make my money countable.
'' So here is me talking, about my problems. To some one who will only heard theme if you pay him. It has come down to this. Do you even care, if I was to came here with no money and ask you for a small advice? Don't answer. I rather not know. I would rather search for my answer. Besides rationality is lost. Emotionality is lost. Being emotional is now forbidden or at least you quickly become someone who isn't stable to make big decision. Your Emotions Are Getting In Your Way. Yes they are. Because that is how you should react. With every thing you've got. Who can that be wrong. Be your self a hundred percent all the time.''
I get too disturbed by not making any sense. Slow and cloudy day has turned into rainy day. Hopelessly sitting on a chair facing the ground, water in my eyes. I am still trying to fool my self from the truth. I quickly decided I am coming back. Can't say anything else but these words to the man in front of me.
'' I see darkness, can you help me?''

I Know I Suck, But I Need Your Voice.

Define your self. They say. Who every they are. I just want to say I hate theme. But how can I? Now one on the other side. I feel alone. After I Came Back, came silence. When I refer to you, I believe I am talking to my self. Not bad finding your self in your own words. Hello, anyone. Just to see if you are still alive. All I want is a pulse reaction. A fast reaction. I wrote a lot. After the sentence, I came back, I am trying to define my writing. Boring, old, self centered ... Nobody is saying any thing, How can I know. The truth is I am not good, but I am getting better. I hope so, please give me an answer.
My readers are gone I am the only one, If I can even register as a reader. Say you don't want it, and I'll stop.
A perfect and innocent thing has turned into a disaster. Talking to your self, basically leads you to a mental facility, even if it's only in your mind. What is worst then a totally agony of being in love? Not just obvious love, but love of interest, that rare understand. Or at least they are not telling you. I am in a search as I sad many times before. I am looking for a critic, help, a sound of life, a voice. I am desperate. Please be a part of my story. be that exception.



Mike.

My Love

Music. Just a word. But once you started to pay attention, on what it really means you get the idea of how big it is. How far does it reach? How important is music in my life? It's the number one thing. What do I do when I am in my moments of trouble? I started listening to music to calm my self down. What do I do when I am felling alive. I celebrate with music. Where do I go for an inspiration? I think you got the idea. It's music that gets me woken up in the morning and puts me to sleep. I am not a musician, I have the desire to play certain instruments. But I still haven't got my self to learn theme. I guess I want somethings unanswered. I want to be the ultimate observer. I  love and appreciate work that others put in songs. And I admire theme for finding their way of expressing theme self and let others, like me, to find some consolation in those songs. Music gave me something to believe. I don't want to tell what to listen. Just find some music that gives you some meaning. The emphasis is on you. Music is a big part of me. Listen to it. It will improve your life. Even if it's only for five minutes. It's worth it.



Mike

Life Is A Game Of Inches

For reconstruction to happen you have to start at ground zero. But I haven't demolished everything. Some of my buildings are build solid, and everyone took a long time to build.
How can I demolished empty rooms? Weren't they meant to be filled and used? They are stuffed with empty boxes and dust. Black shades are covering windows. Not because no one wants to watch, but because there is nothing I can put in. And yes, sometimes I don't wanna watch. Watching an empty room is depressing. The doors are open. Not locked and the function to lock theme was removed. That was taken care of. By me. Two rooms that I won't probably destroyed. The unwritten and written one. To important to get ride of them. So the question is. Is it worth to demolish those old rooms and start new, or get started on a renovation? I need to sell every room. The exception are written and unwritten. Need to start living there. Move all my things in and try to do something with it. Nobody can do it for me. I am too young to left those in the hands of someone I don't trust. Life is a game of inches. First inch is to realize my options. I have done that. Last year I spent doing that every day, all day. I have found something. Now. Second inch. What are you going to do? That is my next battle. The second step is the hardest. Now I have to start the battle, now it's time to pull all out my weapons and make my self a believer.
Viva la Vida. I had it in front of me. Never saw it, not as clearly as I should. I am disturbed so is my message. I apologize for that. But it helps me. In a disturbing way.



Mike

The Only Exception

The story goes over and over. The same stuff appears in front of me. Again I was remembered how fragile I am. With brutal force they made me mad and insane. Not able to think straight not being able to stand on my own feet. The ground is shaking. And I can't even remember if it's from the see or the people who made me mentally unstable for a short period of time. I have been waiting for a decedent talk for a long time. And I finally got one. Sharing my desires with someone who knows where I am coming from. It was nothing more just a simple conversation. The same wishes and hopes colliding together is a beautiful thing. Hope was restored with this chat. It's good to be reminded that I am not the only one who thinks the same way as I am.

I made a mistake not writing daily on this trip. A sort of a scrap book. It would give me some sort of satisfaction that I belong there. Definitely I didn't feel like that. For the most part I don't belong anywhere. Even the break from writing was a bad decision. I need to get back to my comfortable zone. And that talk was in the that zone. And why they couldn't leave at that I don't know. They wanted more. They never asked me what I want? And all I ever wanted. I got it. I can appreciate the little things. What I have got out of that conversation was much bigger and better that I would have got If I pursue their wishes and thoughts. Right now I live to believe. I need more than an average person. And I believe I deserve more. That is just me.Not feeling better then anybody just different. The only exception is I am more complicated. Believe me it's not a good thing.