Fixing, Updating Or Premature Crash?

For ever broken. Or partiality fixed. Left in a corner because it got too boring to fix someone like me. Or was it fixing? For all I know it could be an update. And it's taking a long time. All I know something is missing. Predictable. But expected. A story of a young and powerful man is slowly getting it's terms right. Am talking about the story I am writing. Or is it just another bug in the system, and I can't tell from reality and fiction, and needs to be deleted? Where is my 2. am call? I had one. I wonder If I made a mistake? Come on it was two am in the morning. Or just another virus in my hardware? I am a guy with a desire to say something out loud but never finds the words, when the time is right. Maybe I am filled with a Trojan horse virus? And it's waiting for those moments. Besides the honesty that is in me, I feel the need of selfishness. Is that a word or my vocabulary hasn't been updated? But how can you be selfish, if you got nothing? Selfish can't come from nothing.

Just like Jack in the search of a chest, I can't find the thing that I want. So I lean on others. But in my case, others are letting me down. My capability to deceive others is not that good, as Jack's.

Reading others. A skill that should be deleted. But it won't be. I just don't have that luck. Soon realizing, after talking to someone, that they just don't understand. Or at least listen and appreciate what has been told. Even if it's not understand.

I like that I don't talk that much. Talk is overrated. You can say so much more with silence and looks. And the words that matter to me, come out on a paper. And those are the one that I count. My dreams and innocent thoughts will continue for ever. I hope those are not deleted. Or else my existing is irrelevant. Dreams and thoughts is who I am. For all I know I don't need fixing or updating. But everyone is saying the system will crash if I don't do something. What is the right solution? Fixing, updating or premature crashing?

Just Mike