Forever Young...

My work will always be best when I do it my self. Individually. No other opinions, just if I want them. And I rarely want them and rarely there are people who deserve it. My work will always be affected with this time of my life. Just because I have found, when I am at my best. It doesn't matter what is that I do, it matters how I do it. Forever I will live in this lost time. When I am old this the time that I will remember. My moments. Alone moments. Alone in writing, alone in watching, alone in sleeping. Forever I will stay this young. Forever young in rain city, rolling dices, with orange sky, wishing that I would be in california. I land where my thoughts are manageable to read, while I am reading. Process that it might happen has been betrayed. My dice number is always different, never the same. So I can't find the stars coordinate. I am lost in space. As far as I know space is to big to be left alone. I will parish if moving on is not an option. But where do I start? At the beginning, at the end? I am living without the middle. I saw a start of all this, and I know the end of it too. It's all black, with stars shining in the distance. Looking something to grab on. My air supplies are limited, end they are almost empty. Need to go back, and find home so that my work could be heard and read, so I can get a refill. So long on the road, you forget how things work. Was I forgotten, have I gone to far? My mission is clear. Search and find. When I find, what ever is that I am looking for, I come back. Could my search gone to far in space and no one is out there looking for me anymore? The coordinates are in my hand to set my course back home. I need to face them, just because I need the refill. When I am done, I am going back. I want to find what ever is that I am searching. Even if that makes me forever young and alone.



Miha

Who Am I?

From beginning to an end, I will always feel the way I feel. I am bitter, depressed and lonely. If I have some one besides me or not. My life depends on this feeling, word, mood, and ability from others to not understand it. Ladies and gentleman, I am lonely. It has come to this, that the first person who comes to my life will feel the love, that can't be measured. She will never felt stronger love and appreciation towards here. That is me. I am love. And nobody can see it, or understand it. Being alone and having very emotional life, gives you perspective on things. And that life it self loses meaning and gives you the ability to live. I know hard to understand. But that is me, not understandable. Melancholy Hill does exists, but only in a place, that no one wants to be visit. Not by choice or hate, no, but of interest. They are lacking it. Is there enough sympathy in the world, to have some one besides me? Who am I? I am sympathy. That bit that could make a difference. Not to make the world a better palace, but to make just one world a better place. I hope that soon I can do life on my own. Alone in a room with my rules. Not being surrounded by people who are not emotionally on my level. And with people who are not attentionality destroying my talents. Whenever you think I have it or not. It's 0.47 o'clock. It is Saturday. And I am asking my self a question. Who am I? I am...



Mike

On Melancholy Hill

I live on melancholy hill. And up here, there is an atmosphere of trying your best. It really is. Slowly trying your best. The desire is here but you can't see it by just watching from a distance. You have too live here to understand it. Daily activities are done in a order that you made it your self. The way you like it. Not rushing your self. Jut the right amount of it, so ''they'' still see you living. On this beautiful hill we don't ask stupid and unnecessary questions. Just an example: How are you, What are you doing in your life now, any big things happening in your life... (You get the idea) No we ask our self. Do you fell comfortable?

Like I said the desire is here, but you can't see it through our sad faces, pale hearted and showing boring emotions towards you. It's not like we don't care what is going on below our hill, but we are too occupied with our comfortability level. We are sleep deprived, we have back issues, we constantly watch for our physical apparency, because people are watching everywhere, and we like to look good. No matter the frustrations in our head. If you haven't find the key word. It's melancholy. Yes there is a hill, and it's beautiful. All the great parks, the ponds, ducks playing in those ponds, beautiful forests... oh it's great. Surprisingly there is always autumn on this hill. I wonder why? The sorrow, cloudy atmosphere, unstable mental and physicality surroundings  that is Melancholy Hill. Like the words written before you. That is like the staying on that hill. Disturbed. A lot of rest involved. Definitely a great muse if you are interested in the art form of writing, panting, sculpturing, and anything else you can remember. But don't tell a lot of people about it, there is not enough room for every body. So for now I only got one question for you.

Are you comfortable?

Mike Wood from Melancholy Hill.

The Psychiatrist: First Talk; I See Darkness.

''What is worse then a totality agony of being in love? Probably not being in love. In this times when every one is gasping to hold on to something good in a so tough environment, I try not to think and imagine the things I love and could love. It takes too much time to recover after those emotions. I am afraid to get in bed at night. All the silence and peace that is brought by that time of day is too much to handle. I start to worry about every thing. And I literary mean every thing. How can a world be so corrupted, taking what is not rightfully yours. No respect for nothing. The damn global warming. I some time wonder if there is any reason to make an effort to live. One day it's all going to be over. Even if you do something, you will be forgotten. And it won't matter. We are fucked, and the ice has already started to melt. I thought about killing my self, but the idea of not existing gives me more trouble then death. About every thing. I mean and I am not even some non sociable geek or any thing. I have friends I go out I meet people, I am active in my community. I am something. I have hobbies that complete me. A steady job. But I am worried about the lawn in front of my house, the trees at the back of my house. I need to make shore the are healthy so they can provide fresh air, I am worried about polluted air, that is going through my lungs. When I see other people buying stuff all I see is how much paper or plastic bags are they taking. I mean what the hell is wrong with a person when he uses one small bag for two apples, another bag for three tomatoes, and a another bag for a zucchini. They CAN ALL GO INTO ONE BAG. Fuck. With little things people are destroying the world, In my book the world is all ready destroyed.''
I stopped for a second, to have a glass of water. Water's good for you. I am sitting in a room, where every thing is perfectly designee to make you feel comfortable as you possibly can be, in this room. I am in a room where people with problems are trying to solve theme. I am not a naive person and I don't run to seek help if something is going wrong. I like to solve it my self. Ha, maybe I should told that to my doctor. For what is worth I don't even know If I'll be back next week. I probably won't. He quietly sits in his chair, making some notes. But still observing me. He doesn't say anything. He waits for me to start. And I do I want to make my money countable.
'' So here is me talking, about my problems. To some one who will only heard theme if you pay him. It has come down to this. Do you even care, if I was to came here with no money and ask you for a small advice? Don't answer. I rather not know. I would rather search for my answer. Besides rationality is lost. Emotionality is lost. Being emotional is now forbidden or at least you quickly become someone who isn't stable to make big decision. Your Emotions Are Getting In Your Way. Yes they are. Because that is how you should react. With every thing you've got. Who can that be wrong. Be your self a hundred percent all the time.''
I get too disturbed by not making any sense. Slow and cloudy day has turned into rainy day. Hopelessly sitting on a chair facing the ground, water in my eyes. I am still trying to fool my self from the truth. I quickly decided I am coming back. Can't say anything else but these words to the man in front of me.
'' I see darkness, can you help me?''