Consequence

Is there any writing left in me? It's so hard to write these days. Am I being too annoying and depressed in times where depression is first that comes in your mind when you just look out side the windows and think? Is thinking become a fears predator? To think now it's like you are ready to be condemned to loose and be hateful? A brilliant mids are being appreciated. But are they being really heard? Let's be honest. The world is turning in too in a dark place. Or perhaps it all ready is. The world is being molested by some old farts who have there heads so up there ass that they can't see nothing but theme selfs and money. Just a though of what is happening in the world makes me sick and depressed and clueless. And these are the things that we know of. The hidden problems are even more dreadful. Just the idea makes me sleepless and paranoid. Paranoid of dying while doing nothing about everything. It's hard to admit that but it's true. Everything is politics. For a business to succeed all one has to say, It's only business. It is so easy and simple. It's just business. It makes me cry. And sometimes there is nothing better to me but to not exist. And here comes the last think you should think, but it's always the first. How can young people thrive on better future and take over when old people( I call old people, the people who rule this wonderful place which is going fast in a direction for destruction, why? Because it's time to get out and let the young and innovating take over. Your time has come and you are doing it wrong.) are screwing things up. I lost the capacity to even describe the misery that it is happening around the world. It makes me feel angry and lonely for some reason. How can some one like me, depressed, agonized, shy and too nice person can do? Trying to get my own opinion. By listening reason. I am not convicted by first reason, I get more of theme. Started to collect theme. I am my own own reasonable voice. Please become your own reasonable voice. Think. The only revolution that could happen is too first change your point off view on things, start to think about the consequence. And if more and more people will start doing that and started to think, then the revolution will come. For now where are not even close to make a difference. I am very scared of people's thinking. Not about this but general thinking. What are there priorities? My biggest concern.

I don't know how to end this. I believe that this matter doesn't have an end. And so it should't. Where do I begin to make the end better?

Michael

No Distractions

For what it's worth I want to start my own life. In my own place. I think I am ready. All I need is a solid job to support my self. To live alone and to be the master of my life. Why I am so eager to do so? Most people my age are trying to live in the moment, not so much worry for the future. Like always my thinking is different. I do think about the future. My moments are not that great to live with. So I stop live for the moments. Why not to get too the next step, which a lot of people are trying to avoid. I want to embrace it. I want to feel average. Why I want to rush things? I want to feel how it is to be the center of attention. Even if I am the one giving the attention to my self. No strings attached. Just me. To take care of me and only me. Not answer to anyone. And then when coming home from a job, work out, drinking, anything in fact I want to write about it. Not just the happenings, I want to know the story's that will came up in that state of mind. In this home I have to much responsibility. I don't just want to free my mind, I want to free my body of distraction that others give me. And then I want to write. About no distractions, being free body and mind. I want to write about average. I just feel... you know what I don't know what I feel. I do know that this space is blocking my creative writing. I want to write scripts, novels, short stories. Yes I had some success. That is my opinion. Some where good some were not. But I know I can do better. And this space it makes very hard some times. I want to get rid of that. In hope for achieving that, I will try to do everything. I just want to write.

Just Mike

Help?

My aware of being spiritually alone frightens me. Know one to share my moments with. Trying to grasp the things that matter and just being horrifically bad at it. I hope I am discovered one day. The number one reason why I am broken in my mind.

I don't belong, to nobody and nowhere. Maybe sports are the only thing I feel comfortable enough to just simple be. Hard to find that. The comfort zone. Is it wrong to spread out ideas about darkness? Is it wrong to be comfortable in that kind a space? Finding the beauty in it makes me more meaningful then something ordinary. I hate ordinary. It makes me like everybody else. And I hate everybody. Nothing makes me more alone then the idea of normality and ordinary. And lately when words are not coming out like I am use to. I feel even more spiritually alone. If that is possible. My words are solution for my problems, they are a back passage for avoiding things that bother me. Even my self conscious is turning against me. I am turning my self in to an enemy. My own enemy. I am constantly reminded that now one cares, quietly. Maybe it is my lacking ability to talk in public about something of an importance, but that is just me. For I am with my friends out ''having fun'' I think about everything but that particular moment. I can't do nothing if you are undeniable boring. Or maybe I am the one who is boring? I admit I am. And not that I just think about everything, I think about how great is to be alone and how I want to be alone that moment. Help...anyone? I am a solid and swell person under all these words. I am just fed up of all the nonsense of treating my self like everybody else. The treatment just doesn't work for me. So my options of living have to be different, for some even extreme. But this is me. The extremer of love.

Just Mike

Besides Me Is...

Finally composed. Just enough to be still standing on my own and enough to loose concentration. It's just coming up from now where. Attached with partial empathy. Not too others, but feeling my feelings while feeling them. Judging my self with those one. And always looking for some reason. I guess besides me there is another me. Another side with better understanding for the truth which I am not willing to except. The other me has excepted it. Everything I do he can do it better. He has the time to get it done right, but never actually does it. Yet another smart annoying know it all is getting to me. The part that disturbs me is that he only lives in my head. He doesn't control my actions. He analyse it. He gives me report. He is eating my soul that is how he survives. By crushing me to pieces and making my presence feel unnatural. He always knows when to strike. And he can get to you. Besides the truth that he tells you, he makes you feel unwanted.

I was feeling really good when I started to write this. I was feeling funky and joyful. Now look where am I. I decided to blog until I die. I am going to bore you for ever. And most of all I am going to bore myself with this. I am going to bore you until you die. Why? I got nothing better to do. I just feel pathetic. So don't get mad if suddenly I get really crap. Just stop.

So besides me is me. Isn't that the most depressive thing you'v heard.

Just Mike

Everything On Nothing.

How to be corrected? Or at least be open to an idea of correction. I know I am. Endless nights are filled with fresh fog and desire to make you think. Just walk ones in a perfect night. And you will see what I mean. Every night is perfect. The night is the only thing we embrace of darkness. Because it's natural. Why is black color so hated? It's just another color.

Towards better endings with less lies. Trying to feel a void. Being alone with pencil in his hand is hard. Sharing is the thing that I lost. Sharing a passion and love of a story. Tremendous amount of my energy is wasted. Wasted on people who know only what it's in front of theme right that second. Wasted on effort of trying, while others don't. I am going to be more open. Tell it like I feel it. All tho I know what will came out. Dislike on your end. No worry, I already don't like you. I am filed with annoyance and discomfort of my surroundings. So don't try. Just be. And I will be quietly siting in my corner not liking you. Hating you sometimes. I am seeking strong and heavy moments with some formal meaning. Constantly in a battle, now the battle is coming out. Beware of my agility and acceleration. But I am going to do it in my style. Depressed and agonized in timeless space.

Just Mike

I Am Broken

Broken spirit. Broken mind. Broken heart. Open window inviting in the spirits from above. Or spirits from the ground. The powerful threat to be the best I can be is getting to me and my collective mind. The part of where I function is slowing down. The appeal of stability is dropping to a point zero, fast. It's starting to happen. The destruction of my normality. The special feel in the air is a clue. A clue which leads to lost of sight. I am blind for colors. I see darkness all around. Black is my domain. Darkness is arriving. And it will be passed on by me. Whether you like it or despised it. I am a new born killer. Fear is all I am now. The quiet ones know have a voice. I don't accepted rules I destroy theme. I make strong people weak. I made theme see how their decisions affect people. I made theme see destruction. Most of theme are ready to go, non of theme is ready for me. I am Ezio Auditore De Firenze. And I Am An Assassin.

It's just something my creative mind did with an ending of a video game. It's different then this. This is my alternative ending. I did found a music to go to this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivR_Hi2i_eQ

Now read it with this music. It's just gives me chills. Music is pure genius work. Awesome.

Just Mike

Seizing The Moment

Trying to practice a method. Disturbed by how many they are but blessed that there is more than one. In a free space when I look and search for this methods, I found different verities of prosper living. All short but infectious at the same time. I am always in this space. When I began to approach one I can feel it and see it. I have the time of my life. It's a unique experience. It can last only for a few seconds, but they are seconds of pure joy. Soon after that the feeling is gone. So where do this one moments of anxiety go? I don't know. All I know that they are hard to find. And just to seek theme everyday in a hope that there is more of those unique moments. That is a life worth living.

Michael

Do You Wanna Comment My Blog?

The continuation of Does Anybody Wanna Read My Blog? Nothing new, nothing old. Just Mike. Action on the horizon. Beware of my productivity. A lot of words for now. But things are changing. My production house is up and running. Green and yellow is my new color. Apparently no one cares. Where's the method of being shameless?Of being paranoid for paper and pencil? Why do people do stuff? To seek intention or just because it feel's right? For most right feelings there is a lot of selfishness around it. And they should be. But when people's lives are on the line it stops being the right feeling.

A powerful history is breaking in to pieces. For they have forgotten the words of there old masters of philosophy. It's better to know little but useful, to know a lot and useless. To much of important men think to highly of theme self. Nothing wrong with self confidant, but you have to look at it with reason. When you have strength. Ask your self. To whom do this strength benefits? Or better ask some one who has no problem telling the truth.

Tell me the truth. I seek good thinking. I want good thinking. It's more powerful then any weapon in the world. But who cares. Right? Is it just another nonsense talk? Or a reminder of methods for better understanding?

Michael

A Brain Full Of Memories.

I got my self in a momentum of deception. I become a master of it. I don't know who I am. So I'm deceiving my self. Not knowing what I will achieve by that. The moment is still happening. It hasn't past by like I thought it would. I did't adapt it or learn to live with it. I just have no answer for it. Hiding and seeking for safe ground. To run away from it is like trying to catch a dream. And memorizing it. Even flying away doesn't help. Believe me I have been all around the world looking for the answer. I am making the same mistakes from the beginning of my first memory. Always seeking a reason. Sometimes wanting it to soon. To fast. And that is how you ruin your path of search. Everything happens for a reason. I truly believe that. Let the reason come to you. Even if it takes a long time. Don't search it. Let it happen. Bad or good. Smart or dumb.

With some memories that are mine I question them. But those that aren't mine. Those are the one for writing. Troubled but useful for my deception. What do I deceive? My emotions.

Michael

What about me?

Where's my story? Everybody is getting there story at least a direction. Even my characters are getting something out of there life. My story has a writers block.

It's a ruthless path we walk on. We are the one who sees the beauty but can't define it. We can't find to enjoy our selfs. We can't appreciate it like others do. And I do hope people appreciate stuff that they feel, touch, smell, taste and see. I write what I don't have. I want to feel, touch, smell, taste and see what I don't have. Does that make me materialistic? Or just an innocent adventurer?

I lied. I can define on thing. Pain. But I interpreted differently. It's like finding a sound of a band. That thing that makes you unique. Pain has been my definition.

Lately I have been doing stuff that helped others not my self. I find to do that one of the essayist doings of my life. Nothing in return but a kind warm smile on there faces. I have been watching these smiles and there attentions. And have been inspired by there efforts to do great. The truth is pain and suffering are inevitable. Living with that can be easy for some one who has nothing but that. But for those who are not that familiar with it can be... different.

I am good at stuff that supposed to be hard, and bad at the stuff that supposed to be easy. And I take things easy. Should I take stuff in a harder prospective, to make things easier?

Michael