Help?

My aware of being spiritually alone frightens me. Know one to share my moments with. Trying to grasp the things that matter and just being horrifically bad at it. I hope I am discovered one day. The number one reason why I am broken in my mind.

I don't belong, to nobody and nowhere. Maybe sports are the only thing I feel comfortable enough to just simple be. Hard to find that. The comfort zone. Is it wrong to spread out ideas about darkness? Is it wrong to be comfortable in that kind a space? Finding the beauty in it makes me more meaningful then something ordinary. I hate ordinary. It makes me like everybody else. And I hate everybody. Nothing makes me more alone then the idea of normality and ordinary. And lately when words are not coming out like I am use to. I feel even more spiritually alone. If that is possible. My words are solution for my problems, they are a back passage for avoiding things that bother me. Even my self conscious is turning against me. I am turning my self in to an enemy. My own enemy. I am constantly reminded that now one cares, quietly. Maybe it is my lacking ability to talk in public about something of an importance, but that is just me. For I am with my friends out ''having fun'' I think about everything but that particular moment. I can't do nothing if you are undeniable boring. Or maybe I am the one who is boring? I admit I am. And not that I just think about everything, I think about how great is to be alone and how I want to be alone that moment. Help...anyone? I am a solid and swell person under all these words. I am just fed up of all the nonsense of treating my self like everybody else. The treatment just doesn't work for me. So my options of living have to be different, for some even extreme. But this is me. The extremer of love.

Just Mike