Without no power in my muscles, I struggled to write a word. A word that could change the process of my living. Had it on a tip of a tung. But could't said it, or write it. Maybe the scenery wasn't idyll. I couldn't help my self, or receive the help from others. Why? I was alone. I still can't find the word. I can't describe it either. I feel empty without this word. The truth is, I don't know if I will ever find it. Only with this mind I feel alive. The part where I wonder. So simple can be life with it. For no reason at all I start to look for a word. Nothing in a world matter. But this. Trying to full fill a moment of weakness with a word. A moment who has no real meaning for nobody, but has for me. I have persuade my self to believe that I don't finish things. Just a thought I did't chase. For now that is enough that I know. Maybe I will continue the thought later when things get better. Just to remind myself that I need misery in my life. Yes I will do that to my self. I don't think it's wrong I believe it's therapy for me. I am my own shrink. I deal with things with my self.
Searching for this word is just another part of therapy. Is it working? I don't care if it isn't. I only care for the joy of it. Sensations of a different variety, that is what it offers me, this thrill of a search. In search of a word. I believe it's a name. Don't know it yet. But let's not jump to conclusions.
Michael
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