It Suckes

I just discovered something. Dammit, why can't I wonder in the dark and be ignorant like everybody else. How can I pursuit this? It's not impossible but still far from my reach. I hate when stuff like this happen. Why do you thing I'm in such constant pain and misery? I feel like I will never do anything in my life because those things that I desire. Should I even bother telling you. Look Valentine's Day Story, It was a moment of inspiration. I like a lot. It's a short story and I want it to be bigger. Nothing wrong but, they need time. Every story needs time. Three months, six months, a year, maybe even more. Who knows. I got to exited. So I have been writing. I'v got three more stories that I could publish. I'm talking about Valentine's day continuation. But I didn't. Why? At first I didn't know. Now I know. There was to much of me in this guy. The story got boring. I am boring. The story sucked and the performance in my head sucked. So I paced my self and start over. With nothing but the first published story. It's a waiting game right now. And it will take time to put something together. Something good. It doesn't have to be best seller story it has to be good for me. I have to see the purpose to get this story out.

Discovery that I made it's going to be a secret for now. I don't want things to blow out of proportion. It's not the number one thing in my life. But it's defiantly something to consider and to explore the options. And I discovered it while I was writing continuation of Valentines's Day story. It sucked, but I found something that was true about me. As a writer I can let that happen, but as a person I must embrace it. I don't think this is the case right now. I would rather not now. I don't now what to do with it. But that is my problem. The point I'm trying to make here is no forcing and I hate and love that I have so many interests.

Miha